Good morning ladies. I so enjoyed this week’s story. Setting healthy boundaries has become a way of life for me. I have learned to set healthy boundaries for myself, our home, and my children and weed out the negativity in our life. I am willing to help out but I am not willing to allow my helping out to control my life either. I have a new found freedom to do what I want and when I want.
Having a friend is a blessing. However, in some friendships there is a downside to them if you allow that friend to run you into the ground. This week’s story shows a downside to friendship. Both friends have the same amount of kids in the same age group. One friend volunteers all the time at her children’s school. You will find her in the nurse’s office applying ice packs, next straightening collars for school pictures, or putting together the school directory and stenciling the lunch room. The other friend work’s from home, allowing her the flexibility to get her work done on her own timing.
Everything started out innocently (doesn’t it normally start out innocent). Mom A (who lived in the town for a long time) called Mom B (new friend who just moved into town) to chat. As the conversation went on mom A asked mom B to help out with the book fair or baseball registration. Mom A would proceed with telling mom B how lucky she was to work from home – what a great benefit this is for your children. This seemed to be a great advantage to mom A. Of course over time mom A always took on more then she should have and she counted on mom B to pickup the slack.
As time went on, mom B’s being at home became more of a disadvantage to her and the kids. Her free time was filled helping out mom A. Mom B dreaded hearing her voice on the phone.
Looking back over the year’s mom B realized that she always said yes to helping out who ever asked. Her favorite word was “if you can’t find anyone else, then I will do it.” They never did find anyone else and she was helping out again.
There was no one else to balance for the character trait mom B had. Her mom knew when to say “NO I cannot help out this time.” Her mom did raise four daughters, taught grade school for more then 20yrs, at one point and time managed to be a Brownie Leader, Sunday school teacher, and a room mom. Everything was done on her terms.
Her mother used a polite way to saying NO, “That won’t work out for me.” Her mom would repeat herself again if the individual kept persisting for her help. All sisters would laugh at their mom when she would say, “not at this time,” now being older they are all understanding why their mom said that.
You do not have to give an explanation as to why you cannot help out. You owe them nothing. Just say NO
Turning 40, mom B gained a backbone. (she gained a voice)
Mom A called asking mom B if she would help out with the pizza sale. Mom B was swamped with work and other home projects. The key phrase came out smoothly, “sorry, it just won’t work out for me.” Amazingly, mom A totally understood and found someone else to help her out. The pizza sale went well without mom B’s help.
All along mom B realized that she did have a choice to make. Say yes or say No. Nobody can take advantage of you unless you allow them too.
Life Lesson #3 – Set Limits
Creating a life you love you have to create healthy limits. Before setting limits with people you have to understand your boundaries for yourself. You need to know what you need, how you feel, and what is and isn’t acceptable to you. Yes, this is a tall order to fill since we women have been conditioned to be selfless. Being selfless allows others to come in and walk all over you if you do not have boundaries. (There is nothing wrong with setting healthy boundaries for you)
Learn to set your own limits. First, you need to understand your feelings of anger, frustration, and resentment. “Anger often signals that you aren’t getting your needs met, or that you’re overextended. Your feelings of frustration and resentment, which are anger’s first cousins, let you know that you’ve compromised or sacrificed too much of yourself.” These feelings will often define who you are and what your life becomes. You need to find a balance in your life that benefits you and then others. When you get angry and you pay attention to your anger – this can motivate you to make clear and healthy boundaries. “If you’re going to live a high – quality life, you have to awaken a healthy self-protectiveness and find a balance between the needs of others and your own.”
Things you will run into wile making healthy boundaries are those few friends who do not like change. For them there is nothing wrong with the way things are now. They have you just the way they want you. For most people they resist change. Don’t let them control your new boundaries. Hopefully, your friends and family will realize that you are taking care of yourself and begin to accept your new boundaries.
Remember when you set your boundaries they can be adjusted at anytime. You will realize that you have reduced the amount of stress in your life and have more time to do the things you enjoy.
Ask yourself these three questions next time someone asks for you to do something –
1) What can I reasonably and joyfully do?
2) What am I willing to do?
3) What do I want to do?
I hope you all have enjoyed this new found freedom for your life. Happy healthy setting boundaries to you all
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
Communing with Nature - Week 8
Almost every morning before I start my day, I make my way to this little park. Very seldom do I see anyone else there. It seems that everyone else is too busy running here and there to stop to admire God’s beautiful creation. (For me, I start my mornings off with God first doing my bible study and listening to worship music. Then on my way to where ever I may be going I soak in my surroundings, such as the beautiful mountains, sunrises and sunsets - knowing that God created this for us to enjoy)
It was quiet at the little pond that morning. The water was still. The leaves on the trees were not shivering like usual. The silence was broken by the ringing of my cellular phone. The noise startled me. I jumped and grabbed the telephone wondering who would be calling me that early.
“Hi, Mama,” my son, Chad, said. “What are you doing?” “I’m sitting at a little pond across town,” I answered. “You’re doing what?” he inquired.
“I’m spending some quiet time at this perfect little place,” I explained. “I come here almost every morning. It helps me get my day started on the right track.”
“You’re sitting at a pond communing with nature, while I’m stuck in Atlanta traffic,” Chad laughed. “It must be nice.”
“It is very nice,” I admitted. “You should try it some time.” Chad and I talked until the traffic resumed on his end. We offered our loving farewells and hung up.
My mind took me to a place where I had lived several years earlier. I was one of those people living every minute of each day in a rat race. I didn’t take the time to commune with nature, spend quiet time with God, or take the time to get in touch with my feelings. I thought I was happy driving in the fast lane of life. (Life is too short to be living in the fast lane)
When I think back I realize that I had been afraid of being alone. I could put on a good show before everyone else, but if I got quiet I was forced to be honest with myself. I wasn’t doing the things that I knew deep in my heart I was supposed to be doing. God had called me to minister to others through writing and public speaking, but I had ignored His call. I justified my actions by telling myself that I had to make a living. I was exactly like everybody else in the world – struggling to make ends meet, while not considering the real reason for my existence. (Oh how I know this too well. I now know that God has a plan for me and I am so ready to walk it out)
I was afraid to slow down. If I miss a day at work, I will get too far behind, I reasoned. Therefore, I worked even when I was sick. (God does not intend for us to work ourselves to illness nor through it. We are to take care of our bodies) I pushed myself to the limit so many times. I wondered who I was trying to impress. Was it my boss or coworkers? (The only person that we need to worry about is our father and not others. Of course we are to give our all to work but not drive ourselves to illness because then we are useless to our employer) I decided that it was probably me that I was trying to impress. I had to feel worthy. I wanted to feel like a dedicated and hard-working employee. But in the meantime, I denied myself the privilege of really living my life to its fullest.
I took a few more minutes to pray. A few birds landed in the tree beside me. I smiled as I listened to the songs they were singing. A squirrel scampered by, but not without stopping to gaze at me. I glanced at my watch and knew that my quiet time was over. It was time to start my day.
I stood before a group of ladies at a speaking engagement. “Today is the first day of the rest of your lives,” I announced. “Where will you go from here?” I shared the story about the pond, my son’s remark, and the emotions I felt that morning while communing with nature and God.
I encouraged the ladies to slow down, serve God each and everyday, and to take some time to pray. The meeting concluded about an hour later, and I returned to my car. I felt good. I was no longer afraid to leave my comfort zone for God’s sake. I was thankful that I gave up the fast lane of life. I was excited to be doing the things that God created me to do. (Wow, how powerful is that. If we do not move out of the fast lane, our life can go by us without knowing all that God intended for us to do. Everyday is a gift from God and I want to glorify him living the life that he has intended for me to live. What about you?)
I drove back to the pond before I returned home from my engagement. The wind had picked up. I watched as the ripples in the once still water traveled to the shore. I realized that the words I share at my speaking engagements can be compared to the ripples in the water. By spreading the good news to others, they can find the peace and joy that only God and nature can give.
Nancy B. Gibbs
Life Lesson #2: Reorient Your Life
Stop and consider for a moment what would happen if you took the next available exit on the freeway of your life, pulled onto a quiet country lane, slowed down and reflected. What would happen if you asked yourself, Am I doing too much? Am I doing enough? Am I living the life I want to live? As you ponder these questions you may discover that you want to make some changes. You may find that you need to reassess your priorities based on what you’ve determined is most meaningful in your life. You may decide that you need more balance, more time for yourself. You may realize that you have to take greater charge of where you invest your time and energy.
In the last section, you clarified your priorities. Now it’s time to think about reorienting your life to reflect what’s most important to you now. But remember, your priorities are not written in stone. They need to be adaptable and to change as you do.
If you’re like most people, you probably spend most of your time trying to keep up with your “to do” list before you allow yourself to get to the good stuff. All too often, you put your own needs on the “when I have time” list rather than on your “to do” list. These kinds of choices are taking you away from the life you desire.
Rather then saying, “I don’t have time to exercise or play with my kids or take a piano lesson,” take responsibility for your decisions. Say, “I could do what I want if I tried this a different way,” or “Why is this my top priority?” How you spend your time is your choice. It’s all too easy to blame other people, but when you take full responsibility for your time, you have the power to make changes. You do have time for what’s important.
Basic Tool: Priorities List
Make a list of the five things you most want in your life in order of importance. For example, your priorities might be:
1. Exercising
2. Spending time with your children
3. Getting your finances in shape
4. Your spiritual life
5. Friends
Next to each activity, list the amount of time you currently devote to that item in the course of a typical week. How does your present life match the life you want to be living? Are there any adjustments that need to be made?
Now that you know what’s important to you, use this information as a guide when making choices. Before you agree to something, ask yourself, is this in alignment with my priorities? Will this activity of commitment enhance my life or detract from creating the life I want?
Life Lessons for Women ~ 7 Essential Ingredients for a Balance Life
By: Stephanie Marston, M.F.T
Have a wonderful and bless week my friends
It was quiet at the little pond that morning. The water was still. The leaves on the trees were not shivering like usual. The silence was broken by the ringing of my cellular phone. The noise startled me. I jumped and grabbed the telephone wondering who would be calling me that early.
“Hi, Mama,” my son, Chad, said. “What are you doing?” “I’m sitting at a little pond across town,” I answered. “You’re doing what?” he inquired.
“I’m spending some quiet time at this perfect little place,” I explained. “I come here almost every morning. It helps me get my day started on the right track.”
“You’re sitting at a pond communing with nature, while I’m stuck in Atlanta traffic,” Chad laughed. “It must be nice.”
“It is very nice,” I admitted. “You should try it some time.” Chad and I talked until the traffic resumed on his end. We offered our loving farewells and hung up.
My mind took me to a place where I had lived several years earlier. I was one of those people living every minute of each day in a rat race. I didn’t take the time to commune with nature, spend quiet time with God, or take the time to get in touch with my feelings. I thought I was happy driving in the fast lane of life. (Life is too short to be living in the fast lane)
When I think back I realize that I had been afraid of being alone. I could put on a good show before everyone else, but if I got quiet I was forced to be honest with myself. I wasn’t doing the things that I knew deep in my heart I was supposed to be doing. God had called me to minister to others through writing and public speaking, but I had ignored His call. I justified my actions by telling myself that I had to make a living. I was exactly like everybody else in the world – struggling to make ends meet, while not considering the real reason for my existence. (Oh how I know this too well. I now know that God has a plan for me and I am so ready to walk it out)
I was afraid to slow down. If I miss a day at work, I will get too far behind, I reasoned. Therefore, I worked even when I was sick. (God does not intend for us to work ourselves to illness nor through it. We are to take care of our bodies) I pushed myself to the limit so many times. I wondered who I was trying to impress. Was it my boss or coworkers? (The only person that we need to worry about is our father and not others. Of course we are to give our all to work but not drive ourselves to illness because then we are useless to our employer) I decided that it was probably me that I was trying to impress. I had to feel worthy. I wanted to feel like a dedicated and hard-working employee. But in the meantime, I denied myself the privilege of really living my life to its fullest.
I took a few more minutes to pray. A few birds landed in the tree beside me. I smiled as I listened to the songs they were singing. A squirrel scampered by, but not without stopping to gaze at me. I glanced at my watch and knew that my quiet time was over. It was time to start my day.
I stood before a group of ladies at a speaking engagement. “Today is the first day of the rest of your lives,” I announced. “Where will you go from here?” I shared the story about the pond, my son’s remark, and the emotions I felt that morning while communing with nature and God.
I encouraged the ladies to slow down, serve God each and everyday, and to take some time to pray. The meeting concluded about an hour later, and I returned to my car. I felt good. I was no longer afraid to leave my comfort zone for God’s sake. I was thankful that I gave up the fast lane of life. I was excited to be doing the things that God created me to do. (Wow, how powerful is that. If we do not move out of the fast lane, our life can go by us without knowing all that God intended for us to do. Everyday is a gift from God and I want to glorify him living the life that he has intended for me to live. What about you?)
I drove back to the pond before I returned home from my engagement. The wind had picked up. I watched as the ripples in the once still water traveled to the shore. I realized that the words I share at my speaking engagements can be compared to the ripples in the water. By spreading the good news to others, they can find the peace and joy that only God and nature can give.
Nancy B. Gibbs
Life Lesson #2: Reorient Your Life
Stop and consider for a moment what would happen if you took the next available exit on the freeway of your life, pulled onto a quiet country lane, slowed down and reflected. What would happen if you asked yourself, Am I doing too much? Am I doing enough? Am I living the life I want to live? As you ponder these questions you may discover that you want to make some changes. You may find that you need to reassess your priorities based on what you’ve determined is most meaningful in your life. You may decide that you need more balance, more time for yourself. You may realize that you have to take greater charge of where you invest your time and energy.
In the last section, you clarified your priorities. Now it’s time to think about reorienting your life to reflect what’s most important to you now. But remember, your priorities are not written in stone. They need to be adaptable and to change as you do.
If you’re like most people, you probably spend most of your time trying to keep up with your “to do” list before you allow yourself to get to the good stuff. All too often, you put your own needs on the “when I have time” list rather than on your “to do” list. These kinds of choices are taking you away from the life you desire.
Rather then saying, “I don’t have time to exercise or play with my kids or take a piano lesson,” take responsibility for your decisions. Say, “I could do what I want if I tried this a different way,” or “Why is this my top priority?” How you spend your time is your choice. It’s all too easy to blame other people, but when you take full responsibility for your time, you have the power to make changes. You do have time for what’s important.
Basic Tool: Priorities List
Make a list of the five things you most want in your life in order of importance. For example, your priorities might be:
1. Exercising
2. Spending time with your children
3. Getting your finances in shape
4. Your spiritual life
5. Friends
Next to each activity, list the amount of time you currently devote to that item in the course of a typical week. How does your present life match the life you want to be living? Are there any adjustments that need to be made?
Now that you know what’s important to you, use this information as a guide when making choices. Before you agree to something, ask yourself, is this in alignment with my priorities? Will this activity of commitment enhance my life or detract from creating the life I want?
Life Lessons for Women ~ 7 Essential Ingredients for a Balance Life
By: Stephanie Marston, M.F.T
Have a wonderful and bless week my friends
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Taking the Leap - week 7
an euphonious keeps you smart
Essential Ingredient #2 – Take charge of your life
Happy New Years to you all. May this New Year be blessed in everything that you do! “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” (Annie Dillard)
This week’s story is about priorities in your life. On a winter morning the love of ones life from the love of her life, 120-proof vodka passed away. The two had been apart for many years. When cleaning out the apartment an unfinished letter was found in the typewriter. “Don’t be afraid,” it read. “You are a survivor.”
Yes, we all are survivor’s, but is surviving the only thing that we want to do? Who did I use to be? What happened to the person I once was that had dreams and was alive when I would live out my dreams?
Our story continues on to a visit to the career counselor several times. The tests that were taken showed the individual scored highest in writing and creative arts. However, the individual was winning many awards at her civil service job and was up for another raise. At the age of forty it would be crazy to leave that job to pursue something she loved to do. The counselor encouraged the individual to write after work hours, find more ways to express yourself in your writing.
Still going to the government job he/she had day after day, while finding other outlets to enjoy her hobby. She finally joined the church choir, which everyone was pleased to have her onboard. She loved going to church choir. The alto next to her one day said, you have such a free spirit. In addition to joining the church choir she began selling pieces of her hand-thrown pottery. In addition, she began writing feature articles for local publications. One friend stated, “I wish I had the courage to send in what I had written.”
Being free spirit, talent, and having courage – what a fraud she felt like. Only if she really had courage she would say to herself. If she really had courage she would quit the job she hated and devote herself to full-time writing. However, fear came over her wonder what if that and what if this.
Christmas was here and she was not in the holiday spirit. She hid in bed cursing her many talents – feeling stuck. She new that her job was interfering with her real work in life – writing.
That night she was cursing her talents her bedside phone rang. It was a friend from the church choir telling her that the alto next to her had just committed suicide. While attending the memorial service she had remembered what the alto had said to her – “You’re so free….outrageous…..courageous.”
At that moment she knew that if she did not follow her own calling that she may follow the same path as the alto – suicide. Things that kept coming to her mind where – know thyself, be true to yourself, have the courage, do or die.
Finally, she put in her notice and started cleaning out her office. As she was cleaning at the 10 years of service she became overwhelmed with many of what ifs.
Working for yourself means many hours of work. Writing alone does not pay the bills. However, she never looked back nor regretted leaving her job. Waking in the mornings she is excited about her work, whether it’s writing one of her columns, meeting article deadlines, teaching college writing, or coaching other writers. She took the leap of faith and now is enjoying life to the fullest.
Life Lesson #1 – Evaluate Your Priorities
So many women live their lives by these small little quotes – I have to keep up, I am what I do, I have to push myself, I have to prove my worth, I have to keep going. Why not just live life as it was created for you to live it.
There are many women who just want to get through the day. However, we all live our lives on autopilot. One rarely stops enough to consider how you spend your time or energy. Not knowing if your priorities match your reality and your values, you will continually be out of synch with yourself.
“Living a priority-centered life means balancing responsibility to others with responsibility to oneself, obligations with enjoyment, work with play, activity with rest. It means finding a natural rhythm to your day-to-day life that will support an atmosphere of fulfillment. It means getting your priorities straight.”
Take a look at what a typical day or typical week you have. Think about how you spend your time. How much time do you really devote to your family? How about your health and fitness? Religion and spiritual pratice? Work? Personal interest and hobbies? Social Time? Finances? Friendship? How you spend your time will reveal your priorities.
You may just find out that your priorities are different from what you actually do in your daily life. Now is the time to get honest with yourself and see what your life is telling you. Is your life balanced? Are you overextended in one area? Is there an area what you’re neglecting? What percentage of your time is devoted to caring for others? What percentage is spent caring for yourself and doing things your love? Are you in synch with your core values? Are there any adjustments you need to make so that your life more closely reflects these values?
As women we do everything for everyone else. It is time that we start balancing the wishes and expectations of other people with our own needs and desires. Hold your priorities sacred. It is time to invest your time and energy in what it is you value most.
Food for thought –
If you had only a year to live, what would you do differently? It’s time to take action. Whatever you’ve been waiting to do – just do it!
God bless you all! Have a wonderful week
Essential Ingredient #2 – Take charge of your life
Happy New Years to you all. May this New Year be blessed in everything that you do! “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” (Annie Dillard)
This week’s story is about priorities in your life. On a winter morning the love of ones life from the love of her life, 120-proof vodka passed away. The two had been apart for many years. When cleaning out the apartment an unfinished letter was found in the typewriter. “Don’t be afraid,” it read. “You are a survivor.”
Yes, we all are survivor’s, but is surviving the only thing that we want to do? Who did I use to be? What happened to the person I once was that had dreams and was alive when I would live out my dreams?
Our story continues on to a visit to the career counselor several times. The tests that were taken showed the individual scored highest in writing and creative arts. However, the individual was winning many awards at her civil service job and was up for another raise. At the age of forty it would be crazy to leave that job to pursue something she loved to do. The counselor encouraged the individual to write after work hours, find more ways to express yourself in your writing.
Still going to the government job he/she had day after day, while finding other outlets to enjoy her hobby. She finally joined the church choir, which everyone was pleased to have her onboard. She loved going to church choir. The alto next to her one day said, you have such a free spirit. In addition to joining the church choir she began selling pieces of her hand-thrown pottery. In addition, she began writing feature articles for local publications. One friend stated, “I wish I had the courage to send in what I had written.”
Being free spirit, talent, and having courage – what a fraud she felt like. Only if she really had courage she would say to herself. If she really had courage she would quit the job she hated and devote herself to full-time writing. However, fear came over her wonder what if that and what if this.
Christmas was here and she was not in the holiday spirit. She hid in bed cursing her many talents – feeling stuck. She new that her job was interfering with her real work in life – writing.
That night she was cursing her talents her bedside phone rang. It was a friend from the church choir telling her that the alto next to her had just committed suicide. While attending the memorial service she had remembered what the alto had said to her – “You’re so free….outrageous…..courageous.”
At that moment she knew that if she did not follow her own calling that she may follow the same path as the alto – suicide. Things that kept coming to her mind where – know thyself, be true to yourself, have the courage, do or die.
Finally, she put in her notice and started cleaning out her office. As she was cleaning at the 10 years of service she became overwhelmed with many of what ifs.
Working for yourself means many hours of work. Writing alone does not pay the bills. However, she never looked back nor regretted leaving her job. Waking in the mornings she is excited about her work, whether it’s writing one of her columns, meeting article deadlines, teaching college writing, or coaching other writers. She took the leap of faith and now is enjoying life to the fullest.
Life Lesson #1 – Evaluate Your Priorities
So many women live their lives by these small little quotes – I have to keep up, I am what I do, I have to push myself, I have to prove my worth, I have to keep going. Why not just live life as it was created for you to live it.
There are many women who just want to get through the day. However, we all live our lives on autopilot. One rarely stops enough to consider how you spend your time or energy. Not knowing if your priorities match your reality and your values, you will continually be out of synch with yourself.
“Living a priority-centered life means balancing responsibility to others with responsibility to oneself, obligations with enjoyment, work with play, activity with rest. It means finding a natural rhythm to your day-to-day life that will support an atmosphere of fulfillment. It means getting your priorities straight.”
Take a look at what a typical day or typical week you have. Think about how you spend your time. How much time do you really devote to your family? How about your health and fitness? Religion and spiritual pratice? Work? Personal interest and hobbies? Social Time? Finances? Friendship? How you spend your time will reveal your priorities.
You may just find out that your priorities are different from what you actually do in your daily life. Now is the time to get honest with yourself and see what your life is telling you. Is your life balanced? Are you overextended in one area? Is there an area what you’re neglecting? What percentage of your time is devoted to caring for others? What percentage is spent caring for yourself and doing things your love? Are you in synch with your core values? Are there any adjustments you need to make so that your life more closely reflects these values?
As women we do everything for everyone else. It is time that we start balancing the wishes and expectations of other people with our own needs and desires. Hold your priorities sacred. It is time to invest your time and energy in what it is you value most.
Food for thought –
If you had only a year to live, what would you do differently? It’s time to take action. Whatever you’ve been waiting to do – just do it!
God bless you all! Have a wonderful week
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